When the possible seems impossible – step back from the wire. 

Drew this yesterday.  It offers a valuable  flipside to The Joker’s “This is impossible – so let’s get started.”

As a sufferer of depression, one of the most vital lifelines is knowing when and how to STOP when you feel the pull of a downward spin.    So I’m stepping back from the wire.  Cocooning.  Back next week.

Imagine … sitting in the waiting room of a dentist surgery, flipping through a newspaper … you spot a sketch of the proposed Twin Tower buildings in New York …  in that moment you decide, upon completion of the buildings, you will (illegally) string a tightrope wire between the towers (450 metres high) and attempt the imposssible … and you do it . . . not once . . .  but you dance (and kneel and lay) along the wire, crossing back and forth 8 times!   Phillepe Petite devoted years to making his dream a reality … 

… along with loyal supporters.   The Man on Wire movie is a must see inspiring (and highly entertaining) flick.   My Psychologist first told me about this French fellow when I was contemplating the launch of my book.    Phillepe turns to his loyal companion as he’s about to step onto the wire and says;   “This is impossible – so let’s get started”.   So I took that fear filled step.  Still feel precariously balanced at times – which leads to the stepping back story …

There’s certainly no shortage of imaginary friends on this website … the Army of Ink (all 50 + of them!) … the BOys from the BOy series … the black pooch himself.

But are there also benefits in  having an imaginary enemy?   Mine’s The Joker.   It’s a good thing  to be able to separate the bad stuff, the dark thoughts, from yourself.   So much easier to challenge when it’s out than in.   To have those battles with something/someone on the outside - rather than  turning it in on yourself.    Feel free to make enemies with this clown – make him your own.  Click on ‘The Joker’ TAG on your right to view previous Joker posts – and stay tuned …

Another one about imaginary friends.

“I was only joking”  –  is a what some people say to  get away with saying what they really mean.    Fooling around with peoples heads is a dirty game.

Some folks have an intense fear of clowns.   Here’s an excerpt from an article in Dumbo Feather magazine, Coulrophobia written by Kimberley Newman.  Pictured, standing up to the resident Black Dog Joker on giant canvas used on Youth Focus camp. 

Clowns were once the habitual and entertaining stars of children’s birthday parties, the pin up funny men of gags and amusement parks, and familiar comic characters of circus and pantomime.   In my formative years, I blissfully celebrated three birthdays with that famous red and yellow clown, Ronald McDonald.   Yet, dressed in oversized shoes, baggy clothes, distorted red painted lips, thickly-powdered face and devil-like tuffs of wild hair, it hardly takes a stretch of one’s imagination to see that there’s a dark side to the clown. 

 If imagination alone weren’t enough, lately clowns have proven to be regular inspiration for horror movie villains (and sleepless nights).  The evil clown genre includes adaptations of Batman’s Joker, Stephen King’s terrifying novel It, (where a child killing, demonic clown terrorises a town), and Mr Jingles (a clown out for murderous revenge).   The internet hosts thousands of sites devoted to scary clowns and clown phobias.  In fact, the fear of clowns is real enough to have a name; coulrophobia.   

I can’t help but wonder, just when was this old jokester ever a cause for delight?   Historically, clowns have appeared as court jesters, in ancient Greek and Roman pantomimes, as bouffons, in the French mime tradition and in the Italian commedia dell’art which introduced the harlequin.   The 17th century French clown Pierrot, from whom the modern day clown’s white painted face  and constant melancholy face originated, was foolish, lovesick and bald with a flour-powdered face.  Today’s popular clown costume of hat, oversized shoes and giant neck ruff is attributed to the German clown character Pickelherring.  I sought the unflappable wisdom of my grandmother, and asked her what her childhood memories of clowns were.  She explained, before Walt Disney’s “lot”, the ever-present clown was how children learnt to personify fun and games.  And had I really forgotten my fondness for the friendly Ronald McDonald?

Stay tuned for more about The Joker …

Made this giant canvas to write on during the Youth Focus camp this weekend.    Wrote this great quote across the 2 metre bottom:  

 ”To be nobody but yourself in a world which does its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and NEVER stop fighting.’                                                                                         

 (EE Cummings, English poet).   Shoes models own.   Always wanted to say that!   I’m no model but I do walk in my very own shoes.  Pass it on ….

 The original drawing with all it’s scribbles like … ”I don’t want to be a star because I know how much it hurts when they fall – and besides, it’s rude to point.”  This is when I was about to launch my book.  I knew I had to step up and do the publicity if I wanted the book to reach people, but I was terrified of the attention and on the flipside – failure.   My Psychologist told me the tightroper story and supported me as I stepped onto the wire (see previous Joker blogs).  This poem also emerged which helps me hold on to my self belief, my dream, despite the raging self doubt!  …  Ever wished you were a super hero  .  and you could save the world   .   but you can’t  .  so you  pretend you’ve given up  .  and then someone tells you a story about a French tightrope walker who strings a wire between the Twin Tower buildings in New York  .  he turns to his loyal friend and says:  “This is impossible – so let’s get started.”  .  and you string that wire across the gap between your dream  .  and reality  .  and it forever holds you in your dreaming.   

“Stringing a mental wire between your dream - and reality.”   ?   This line reminds me of the interconnectedness of both states.   If fact, one often saves me from the other.   When I’m struggling to deal with the reality of a situation – I hand it over to my imagination (the creative state – the dreaming).    I let loose and draw and scrawl and scribble notes which often offer another perspective; some choices; fresh insights;  better understanding- or just somewhere to escape to.  Creativity also enables me to transform a harsh reality into something I can sit easier with because I’ve been able to process it by pulling it out of my head and exposing it on the page.   The next part of the process is to transform it into something I have complete control over – hence the power of ink!   So (as you’ll see in the Joker drawing in previous posts) I erased the heavy curtains to expose and reveal the Joker – his evil and his rediculousness.  Removed the stars – because I’m not a fan of celebrity.   Then I removed the firm footing of the stage which placed him on nothing but a wire.   Bit like creating an even playing field really.  You see, we do have one thing in common the Joker and I … we’re both vulnerable despite our appearance - and terribly unbalanced!    Pass it on to all the unbalanced people in your strip (comic that is)  … or tune in to previous episodes by clicking on ‘The Joker’ in TAGS list.

… another poem about the Joker called ’Behind the Mask’ …  It is the Joker who hides behind powder and paint   .   wearing boots too big to move too far   .   and an endless grin that sucks you in   .   It is the night so black that brings the bat   .   to beat some sense into a head so full it takes on the form of another  . 

 Lots of layers in this poem and I’ll talk about my interpretation,  keeping it mind though, that it may be competely different to yours - which is the true beauty of poetry …  Wearing boots too big to move too far is perhaps about keeping our ego in line – not taking ourselves too seriously which can in turn, feed  fears, insecurities and dark head spaces.    Powder and paint …how sometimes we pretend to be something we’re not for so long we forget who we really are.  On the flipside however, sometimes the mask, the powder and paint, contains a protective factor.  It’s not always safe to reveal our true selves – particularly to those who haven’t earnt our trust.   The grin that sucks you in … the night so black that brings the bat … finding the super hero strength inside yourself  (as corny as that sounds) to save you from those dark spaces.  A head so full it takes on the form of another … this relates to my depressive head space.  The Joker represents the darkness that takes me over sometimes.  When I can see it on the page as the evil clown, it helps me separate it from myself  which puts me in a better position to challenge it.   Like the powder and paint, I don’t wear my depression publicly- it still exists though.   The line,  beats some sense into a head so full it takes on the form of another is about the necessity to continually challenge  the dark dialogue in my head.   And my poetry always seems to have a final twist or spin to it.  This time the joke seems to be on The Joker.  Imagine trying to walk a wire in those shoes!  I’m sticking one step ahead of this clown.

The next episode of The Joker talks about the power of imagination stayed tuned …

Today, for the very first time, I can look into the face of evil and see no reflection of myself …

The poem that saves me from myself … She felt so burdened by the despicable acts of others  .  a cutting despair at not being able to get there on time to save the tortured souls  .  the ice from melting  .  forests from falling down - around the corner  .  lost in the shadow of shame cast by human kind .  knowing all too well the dread awful things that come to the weak  .  the marginalised  .  the strong  .  those who resist  .  she carried this burden from morning ’til night until, on this day, she woke to a different song  .  in the tune she caught herself feeling her own sadness - born from the endless quest to save all that felt  .  cast into her own time she could feel every bleeding inch of her broken self  – and the need to sit and sew …

About the Joker illustration  . . .   It arrived after watching the Batman movie, The Dark Knight – the Joker played by the late Heath Ledger.    At one stage in the movie the Super Hero himself succumbs to the darkness.   It was the wise words from the loyal Butler that served to resurrect the Bat.  

 ”Master Wayne – we must endure.”  

I keep them close.  Stay tuned for more about the Joker …